The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
