I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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