Umm I'm too high to move.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
