Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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