i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
my liver is dry heaving
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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