the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
