yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Randomize
