sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Randomize
