how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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