i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
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shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
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My day in three words: secret purse cake
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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