so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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