wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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