sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
