Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He passed out mid-signature
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
