I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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