You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
