bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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