He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
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