I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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