how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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