No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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