I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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