Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Non-Jews are for practice
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Randomize
