My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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