Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
