I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
