Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
