...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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