I wanna bring you to show and tell
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
