she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
