Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
