And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
