my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
