hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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