i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
birth control should be required to get into college
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
