no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
