cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
