mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
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