I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
