If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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