Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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