You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
