so explain again why im purple
no
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Of course I have a pirate flag
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
