Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
