Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
