I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
