thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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