I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
