Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
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