What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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