I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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