he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
