Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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