You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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