I CAN MOONWALK!
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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