D3 body, D1 cock
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
