My nipple is on Facebook.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
