i already hear my dad disowning me
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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