I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
