i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Randomize
