If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
