I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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