He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
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