In the future we'll all be gay
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
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